2004-08-06

got it goin' like a turbo vette

i been seeing that writing in all lowercase is what the cool artsy types do nowadays to say "look at me, i'm cool and artsy and hopefully, ambiguously gay." so i thought i'd give it a try. if i end up looking all snooty and metrosexualer-than-thou, maybe i'll keep this up. cuz i always wanted to be pretentious when i grew up. just like michael stipe from r.e.m. i love the guy and the band, but man, that guy is like the epitome of pretentious arty fart. it's all good, though.

i just read on my u.s.a. sports news page that my favorite n.b.a. team, the sacramento kings, is going through something of a crisis. peja stojakovic wants to be traded. for those who don't know, peja stojakovic was the leading scorer last season for the kings. he's a big huge guy (6'9" or 6'10") but can totally shoot the lights out. i love watching the guy play--his shooting stroke just looks effortless. i've said it many times--you can have your vince carters and jason richardsons, guys who can do backflips in the air while dunking or jump over big stiff french guys. there's one guy in the league i'd pay to see play, and that's peja. and now he wants to be traded. surprisingly enough, i'm not really busted up about it.

why, you ask? the guy i enjoy watching most, on my favorite team, wants out, and i'm not upset? first of all, we'll see if he really means it. the kings have been a fun team to watch and be around the last four or five years, but they're also incredibly frustrating. they've lost in playoff game 7s for the last three years in a row--all of them, with the possible exception of dallas last year, were teams they should have beaten. this year was especially galling--they were cruising along with the best record in the league during the regular season, and then the wheels just fell off the last month or so when they went like 0-20 to drop from the #1 seed in the playoffs to the #4. this would come back to haunt them as they had to play the eventual #1 team in the second round, where they lost game 7 in minnesota. had they not suffered the huge collapse, that game 7 would have been played in sacramento and maybe history would be different.

so there's all this frustration surrounding the team right now, like they should have two or three championship banners hanging in arco arena but instead have nuthin'. plus chris webber went and opened his big mouth saying the team needs to play tougher, and peja apparently took that as a personal affront. if i was peja i'd just laugh it off, 'cause chris webber calling people out on their toughness is like paris hilton calling someone a tramp. but i guess it hurt peja's feelings and now he wants to take his ball and go home. finally, the kings let vlade divac, peja's fellow countryman and mentor in the league, to leave town and go to the hated lakers. so peja isn't a happy camper right now. but he's also getting paid around 8 million dollars a year to play for the highest-scoring team in the league who still have to be considered contenders for the title. i say wait a couple of weeks, let team management treat him to dinner and a movie a few times, send him to couples' counseling with chris webber. maybe make a documentary of it like that whole 'metallica talks about their feelings' fiasco.

even if peja sticks to his guns and wants out, it still isn't the end of the world for sacramento sports fans. here's the deal: peja is a small forward. while he is one of the best, good small forwards are a dime a dozen in the nba. there are exactly two players i'd be really depressed about losing right now, and those two players are brad miller and bobby jackson. peja is really important to the team, don't get me wrong, and if they were to lose him for nothing that'd be depressing. but if they were to trade him, there are a handful of guys i think would make good replacements. here's the deal--peja is probably the best pure shooter in the nba right now. his defense, however, is suspect, as is the defense for the kings as a whole. if the kings could pick up a guy who could make up for some of peja's scoring but improve the team's defense, they could come out of this better than before. just off the top of my head i came up with a list of guys who would be good pickups in exchange for peja. this is listed in my order of preference. note that i have no idea what the salary situations are for peja or any of these guys, so this is strictly talking talent level. don't know if a trade would work under the byzantine nba salary-cap rules.

andrei kirilenko
ron artest
shawn marion
paul pierce
rashard lewis

and of course, i'd throw kevin garnett, tracy mcgrady, carmelo anthony, and shaquille o'neal's names out there, although there's no way any of those guys are moving from their teams.

i absolutely love andrei kirilenko. if we're just talking basketball and i'm an nba gm, i'd marry andrei kirilenko. do a whole mike ditka-ricky williams si cover with me in a tux and kirilenko in a dress. anyway, i think he's a great player and he'd be a perfect fit in sacramento. he's the scariest defensive player in the league right now, i think. i don't know if utah would give him up, 'cause they've got something good going on with the additions of mehmet okur and benedict boozer. but if utah agrees, i'd trade peja straight-up for ak-47.

ron artest is said to be in larry bird's doghouse, so maybe sacramento could get him cheap. trade peja for artest and bring scot pollard back, maybe pry fred jones away from indy to bolster the backcourt depth. artest is the biggest headcase in the league, but he's also the best on-ball defender and a decent scorer. with him and christie the kings would suddenly have a wing defense comparable to the bulls' run in the mid-90s with jordan and pippen. note i said "comparable wing defense".

shawn marion and paul pierce are both good athletes and significant defensive upgrades from peja. although pierce might hog the ball too much to fit in sacramento's system. marion would be a good pick-up, but i'd hope the kings could get something else in addition. phoenix might also be willing to trade, since they added quentin richardson in the offseason and now have a surplus of small forwards/shooting guards.

rashard lewis is a good scorer and matches peja's size, but his defense might be even worse. this is a last resort in my eyes, the kings would need to take back several players from seattle. throw in flip murray and nick collison with lewis and i'd think about making a deal.

who knows. it just goes to show how jaded i've become with nba basketball, and sports in general. i still enjoy watching and following sports, but i'm not so much attached to players or even teams like i was before. peja says he wants to leave, and i yawn and think about how the kings will move on. the mariners stink up the a.l. in baseball, and i brag about ichiro still playing well and wait for next year. what can i say. sport is officially big business, and only chumps let their hearts get broken because of business and spoiled rich guys acting like six-year-olds.